I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
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Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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