I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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