dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize