What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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