Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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