I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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