I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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