Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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