he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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