I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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