my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize