you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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