Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize