don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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