so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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