i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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