yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize