I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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