No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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