I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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