I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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