take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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