Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize