i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
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they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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