So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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