woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize