My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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