I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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