You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize