I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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