I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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