The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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