Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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