her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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