I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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