The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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