the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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