Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
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No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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