I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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