people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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