yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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