I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize