I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize