If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize