I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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