is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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