My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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