just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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