Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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