We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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